It’s Okay…

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be mad or hurt when someone betrays you. It’s okay to be okay after you’ve seen something that most others would consider traumatic. It’s okay to not be okay.

You might be wondering what in the hell I’m talking about and… that’s okay. Sorry… I couldn’t resist throwing one more in there. But seriously, it really is okay. 

Recently, at my “paying job” as I like to call it, I learned that some of my “friends” had been talking trash about me behind my back. To say that I was salty about the whole situation is an understatement, but given the dynamics of the situation, I was not (and have not been) in a position where I could address it, so I’ve been forced to hold my tongue, which isn’t exactly an easy thing for me to do. With friends like these, I don’t need enemies, right?

I was so salty about all this that in my absence of proper mototherapy to keep me balanced, I sat down and typed a big piece about betrayal and, in my best efforts of trying to be positive, how it should be embraced. I typed that a few days ago with full intent to post it this week… but something was holding me back. 

This morning, before I left for work, I was perusing the ‘Gram and saw a post from the charming and funny maggie_gulasey and it really got me thinking. Now, I’m not really one to get on the socials much… I try to post things for my readers so that they know I’m not a robot in the Middle East fishing for their account info… but I’m more of a “live my life in real life” kind of a person. So, getting back to my point- I saw Maggie’s post and I really felt what she was saying and then, she asked a question of her *many* followers that I was curious to read their responses to. Maggie, who according to her IG profile is a "journalist, writer, and an unbridled motorcycle enthusiast," basically summed it up like this- her motorcycle is her therapy and in the winter, or when her bike is broken, she feels out of sorts. Now, I can be a pretty creative writer, but I didn’t even try to put a spin on her words, because in my opinion, she expressed her feelings perfectly. Interestingly enough, the vast majority of people who responded to her question, answered with the same heartfelt sentiment that she expressed in her post. Reading those comments made me realize something- the frustrations and chaos that I feel when I haven’t been able to ride is something that, unbeknownst to me, I share with other people. There are actually a bunch of other people who, just like me, find peace in the saddle of their bikes and that, my friends, is something that made me feel significantly better about everything.

It also got me thinking. If I’m not the only one that uses a motorcycle as a true therapeutic session for improving my mental health then maybe, just maybe, there are other ways to unwrap those convoluted and chaotic thoughts. I like to write. I like to encourage people and send out positive vibes into the world any time that I can. I’d love it if something I wrote actually helped someone through a tough time. I really hope that I can offer something positive in a world so full of negativity. 

So, what does all this mean? How is everything okay? It means that we are all a little screwed up. We are all battling some kinds of demons. You are not alone. I’ve seen some pretty traumatic things in my life- horrors of this world that we live in and yet, for the most part, I sleep pretty damn well. I’m not an alcoholic and I’m not addicted to anything… nothing other than coffee and motorcycles, that is. I’m not bragging by any means. I have a strong family support system and I have my bike to help me compartmentalize those thoughts, memories, fears, anxieties and stressors. My motorcycle is my therapist and riding is my therapy sessions… hence why I call it “mototherapy.” When I can’t ride, I try to find similar peace by tapping into my right brain a little. I don’t have much talent, so I fake my way with the only thing that I feel comfortable with doing, and that is through my writing. Truth be known, I probably only have a handful of people that actually read this blog, but I’ll take it as a compliment that I at least have them…or you, as it were.

The one thing that I’ve really been able to deduce as a result of my “epiphany” today is this- we are all struggling and we are all okay. We are all normal, because what the hell is the basis by which to judge or measure what is normal? "Normal" is what is common and generally applicable to most people, to not put too fine a point on it. What is common and generally applies to every single person I know is that we are all a little fu**ed up! We are all a bit negative, we are angry, we are hurt, we have been damaged and we have all been betrayed. Some of us have been hardened by the world while others embrace their empathy. One is not better than the other, because our society requires both in order to have balance. Some are built for war, while others are born as peacekeepers… but both are very much necessary for the existence and maintenance of a civilized society. 

So, if you’ve been betrayed or hurt by people you considered friends, it’s okay to be mad. If you’ve experienced some horrible thing, it’s okay to be traumatized by it. If you’ve seen the horrors of this world and you don’t lose a wink of sleep, it’s okay that you're not traumatized by it. There’s nothing wrong with you because of how you deal with these things, as long as you’re dealing with them in a positive, healthy way. 

Don’t try to drink your demons away, or medicate them out of your mind. Face them. Fight them. Cope with your trauma in a way that works for you and those that love you. Forgive those raggedy bastards that betrayed you, then use their betrayal as your armor so that they can’t get you a second time. Find people that understand and appreciate you for who you are, then let them replace those who work against you and betray your trust. 

Above all though- don’t let anyone steal your happiness from you. Be positive, be confident and be trustworthy. Be the kind of friend that you wish you had. 

Ride safe and stay awesome MotoReaders.

That IS my job

Have you ever heard someone say “that’s not my job”? Have you ever said it? If so, why? Why isn’t that your job? Is it because you believe the job is beneath you? Maybe you don’t think it is your responsibility or maybe, you aren’t qualified to do it. Regardless of the reason, I ask you this- who’s job is it? Are you incapable of doing it, or just unwilling? If you are not qualified or incapable, then maybe try to find someone who is. If, however, you are just unwilling, then you are the problem at your job.

One of the big problems in our society today is that it seems as if everyone says that these days- “that’s not my job.” What if it was, though? What if you made it your job? What if you just did whatever needed to be done to get the job completed? Have you ever thought to yourself that the reason you are stuck in the same position for years, is because you refuse to be a team player? Companies don’t care who does what individual task, just as long as the job gets done. As long as the Harley-Davidson manufacturing plants meet the production quota by their deadlines, CEO Jochen Zeitz doesn’t give a damn if the assembly foreman took over for one of his line workers for a half a day, so that the worker could leave early for their kid’s recital… all that matter is that the job got done. You know who it matters to? The guy who got to see his kid dance in the recital or the mom who got to watch her kid play in the game. It matters to the kids whose parents were there and it matters to the families of the employee whose boss stepped up and did a job that was “not their job”. That’s how a proper leader, supervisor or manager should be. No job should ever be beneath you… because even if we didn’t start at the bottom, we could all end up there. 

As for me, I work the hardest for the people who are “below” me. You read that right. I’m not trying to impress my bosses, I’m trying to do what’s best for the people who work for me. The people under you are the ones holding you up. They are the ones that matter. There are three kinds of people above you; 1- those very few that are trying to pull you up; 2- those that are content in leaving you where you are; and 3- those that are so intimidated by you, that they are actively trying to keep you down. When you leave your job, your company will still be there, your position will be filled with someone else and the only thing that anyone will remember about you, is how you treated them. 

Great bosses don’t serve the best interest of their bosses- great bosses serve the best interest of their workers. That’s what makes them great.

I’d rather be known as someone who was willing to put up with the shit with my people, than be known as someone who kissed the asses that were shitting on them. If everyone would be willing to work a little harder, do a little more, and do the jobs that aren’t necessarily “in their job description” in order to complete the mission, meet the deadlines, reach the quotas or just get the job done… this world would be a much better place. 

So I leave you with this- What are you willing to do, to make this world better for everyone in it? Are you willing to do what needs to be done, to get the job done? Are you willing to be the leader that you wish you had?

Ride safe and make the right choices for those you serve.