Let's talk...

Hello MotoReaders!

Hey folks, I want to apologize for my absense lately- when I realized that it had been almost two months since my last post, I knew I had to write something and write it quick. Not to make any excuses, but as many of you know, writing this blog and writing the occasional piece for H-D Forums, does not pay my bills. Actually, if anything, the few bucks a year that I do happen to make from writing slideshows for the forums just barely offsets my cost to maintain this blog site. But, my point is that I have a 40+ hour a week "regular" job that demands the majority of my time and lately, it has been very demanding. 

Let's be clear on something- I don't want your money.

It seems like everything we encounter these days is just a ploy to get into our wallets. It aggravates me to no end that I can't even answer my phone without having some jackass on the other end trying to sell me something or steal my info so that they can drain what little I have in my bank account. Just getting on the internet for five minutes exposes us to a constant barrage of advertising and click bait. Seriously, how many times have you seen this picture with the caption "20 unbelievable vintage photos - number 19 will blow you away!" You click the link to see who the chick is and it's a slideshow with so many ads on each page that it takes a half hour to get through the whole damn article, only to find that they never even showed the picture of the girl, much less identified her! Honestly, it's enough to drive you insane. Truth be known, that's why I don't write more than I do for H-D Forums- the only assignments I get from them are slideshows. By the way- the picture of the girl is, from the very brief research I've done, taken from a postcard from the Phillipines from the 19th Century.... there ya go, no need to click on that one ever again. 

You may be wondering, then, if I don't want your money, why do I have a Patreon site? Simple- why not? Look, truth be known, I've seen a lot of folks making YouTube videos, writing blogs and making a living off of their content. When Google first sent me the email telling me that my blog was "eligible for Adsense"... I got a little caught up in the moment and signed up for it. I figured, what the hell, I can let a few advertisers put some ads on my page... my readers can decide if they want to click or not. Before my site had generated enough for me to actually get a check though- Google closed my account. That little setback frustrated me, but in my aggravation, I had an epiphany- my readers don't come to my blog so that they can get bombarded with ads about gross hygeine products, computer virus software or rain gutters- they come here to read about motorcycles, life and finding happiness in the simple things. 

I signed up for Patreon so that if someone likes my site enough that they want to help me keep it up and running, they can have a safe way to do it that is legal, easy and most of all- OPTIONAL. Look, I can't stand watching a YouTube video and having to sit through 5 minutes of commercials... if I wanted to see frickin' commercials- I'd watch television! So, as long as I can do it, my content will always remain ad-free and it won't cost you anything to enjoy. But, if you want to help me keep it going, I'll try to do my part to give you a little something as a thank you for your support. I started this blog site so that I could write about the things I wanted to write about, without being dictated by someone holding a paycheck over my head.

So, where've I been lately? 

I've been busy at my regular job and, when I get home, I've been riding as much as I possibly can. With the Autumn weather slowly moving in, as soon as I get home from work, I get on the bike to get a few miles of mototherapy before dinner. With my current schedule, I don't get to ride as much as I used to, so I try to get in the wind every chance I get. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you may have seen that I've posted a couple of short Reels to let you know I'm still here. On top of work stuff keeping me occupied, I've also had a lot of family stuff going on lately that has really been weighing heavy on my heart and that, of course, has zapped my creativity. I started writing my first installment of "Tales from the Asphalt" a while back and then just lost all interest in finishing it. I'm still not sure if I'm going to, after all, my "Bike of the Month" feature fell flat on it's face after just a few months, so my "feature" ideas are just sort of simmering on the back burner for now.

 

And what about the swag?

This is one idea that I had
(please don't steal it)

This is another one
 (again, please don't steal it)

You may be wondering, what ever happened to the swag that I was having made? Well, I'm still working on that. I was talking to some friends about having some shirts and some decals made up from a couple of designs that I came up with, but it just didn't work out (for a few different reasons). I decided to pump the brakes on that stuff for now and re-focus on establishing some semblance of a real logo, not just some crap that I sketched out on a notebook on my lunchbreak one day. After all, if I'm going to do this, I want to do it right. My niece is a talented graphic designer and I'm enlisting her help in coming up with something fun and cool for me. I suppose that we'll just have to see what happens after that. Currently, everything that I've done as "the MotoWriter" has cost me money, so it's tough to justify making another investment into t-shirts, decals, pins or patches. T-shirts are especially tricky, because I'll have to order a bunch, in a variety of sizes, for anyone that might actually want one. If I do get any "patrons" to my Patreon site, maybe I can offset some of the cost with that. If not, the swag idea may end up falling to the wayside like my other ideas have. I really hope not, though... because I like to look at the "stats" of my website to see where everyone is visiting from and it's pretty damn cool to see that there are readers from, literally, all over the world that are visiting my little corner of the world wide web and I'd love to be able to send y'all a little something to wear while you're out riding or to stick on your helmets, windows or back fenders of your bikes. 

Thanks for your continued support, even though I don’t show you any boobs.

To be completely honest, I have never really considered myself a "writer," not by any means. I'm an overthinker and, for lack of better terminology- "an observer of the world". As I see different things, have different interactions with people or have new experiences, I get ideas- ideas for stories, advice or insights and, I just seem to have a knack for articulating those ideas into the written word. Ironically, my half-ass ability to manipulate the English language into something, even slightly, interesting to read has been revealed to me at a time when videos and pictures reign supreme and words are nearly dead. I suppose if I started each one of my YouTube videos (which are few) with a short video intro of a girl with big boobs about to lose her modesty on camera, I’d have a much more popular channel. I saw a video in the last month or so, about some kind of motorcycle upgrade and it was so gratuitously sexualized that I had to turn it off. Look, I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but come on, is your motorcycle content really so crappy that you have to turn it into soft-core porn in order to get people to watch? Well, actually, disregard that question because the video of the well-endowed woman that didn’t seem to know the difference between a box-end and a crescent wrench that was fumbling around a motorcycle, had tens of thousands of views compared to my best performing video, so I suppose the joke’s on me. Sex sells, but modesty and morality will get you into heaven, and I’ll take the latter because it lasts longer. 

Look, I know that I may have missed my “ideal time” to explore this idea of being a writer, but it’s pretty encouraging to see all of you clicking over to my site to see what I have to say, and doing it without the promise of seeing some skin. That tells me that you guys are more than just the conditioned sheep that are led by photographic pheromones, but you are true intellectual motorcycle enthusiasts. In other words- you are my people and I’m proud to be your writer. I've always believed that the motorcycle community is vast, supportive and universal and you, my readers, prove that to me every time that I log in to my computer and I see that you’re still there, even when I haven’t been.

I really appreciate all of the support and site visits, more than you can know. It's honestly a little overwhelming for me to look and see that the MotoWriter site has had over 22 thousand site visits in just over a year of being active on the interweb, and that it has reached countries big and small, literally, all across the globe. I’m a very humble person, by nature… I always have been, so when I see so much interest in my words and commentaries, it’s a little bit shocking. So, thank you. Thank you for taking the time, your time, to read my blog and thank you for checking in. I’ll try to do a better job of keeping new stuff coming, and coming more frequently. 

Till next time, ride safe and make good choices!

Weight Loss

Are you overweight?

As a society, we’re fixated on our physical appearance. We spend millions of dollars each year on gym memberships, special diets, supplements and even prescription medications just to shed a few pounds. We eat crap that we don’t really enjoy, drink junk that our 8 year old selves would have gagged at the very sight of, and we spend hours of our weeks in the gym, running to nowhere and lifting things up, all while listening to other people grunt and groan as they do the same thing. We stand in front of mirrors and criticize every curve and angle that we see. Then we take pictures of ourselves, all sweaty and red in the face, and post them to social media as if we’re hoping to get some kind of approval or validation from the world.

We’re so concerned about being overweight, that we put ourselves through this daily regimen, but does it actually make us happy? Are we truly happy and satisfied? Sure, don’t get me wrong, if you’re in your late 30’s or 40’s and you get mistaken for someone half your age, I have no doubt that’s an ego booster for you, but that’s not happiness- that’s just a temporary boost to your self-esteem that is completely contingent on your level of suffering. Sort of like, if I work a bunch of overtime, I’ll get a nice paycheck… but that extra cash only lasts, respectively, for about as long as I worked over my regular hours. Let me explain, if I suffered through an additional 20 hours of work, then I will get enough extra dough on my paycheck to pay extra on a bill or maybe take a weekend trip… but I’m not gonna be able to retire early on it. It’s all relative. You can find short-term happiness every single day, regardless of what you do. You might be happy because you hit your goal at the gym. You might be happy that you got a promotion at work. You might be happy because the waitress got your order right… but it’s all relative and it’s all just short term, superficial happiness. 

Weight loss is the key to true, life changing, happiness

I know what you’re thinking- this guy, who hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years, is about to preach to me about losing weight… well, yes… but not in the way that your probably thinking. You see, the weight I’m talking about isn’t the weight that you are bombarded with every time you turn on the TV or open a magazine (do people still read those?). I’m talking about the other weight, the obesity that no one wants to talk about. The weight that you can’t get rid of by simply drinking protein shakes or running on a treadmill. I’m talking about the truly ugly weight- the stuff that causes heart attacks and high blood pressure. I’m talking about the stuff that steals your energy, zaps your libido and strips you of your core happiness. I’m talking about the weight of your burdens. The things that cause you the most stress, anxiety, fear and sadness. The weight of these things are significantly more dangerous to your health than those few extra pounds you picked up from Thanksgiving last year. 

Now, I know that some of my friends who are really into the aforementioned workout routines are probably rolling their eyes and saying something like “being unhealthy and fat is way worse.” Okay… but… let me pose a couple of questions to you- what’s more dangerous to your health, what is actually worse for your heart? Eating an extra cookie, or being so stressed that your blood pressure is so high that you need medicine to bring it back down? What brings you the most anxiety? Having a bowl of pasta, or working late and missing out on important life events like your anniversary or your kid’s birthday? Look, I’m not telling you to not get (or stay) physically healthy, after all, while I may be carrying a few extra pounds of cookie weight myself- I’m not obese. I don’t have limited mobility or any serious medical problems, because I control my diet and I do get physical exercise. Sure, I enjoy a good cheeseburger from time to time, but I don’t eat like crap at every meal and I make sure that I stay physically active on a daily basis. For the most part, my cholesterol and blood pressure are in pretty good shape and I still wear the same size jeans and t-shirts that I wore when I was in my twenties (they just looked a little better on me back then). Physical health is important, but I’d argue that mental and emotional health is just as, or possibly even more, important. 

What’s our emotional weight?

If we go to the doctor, he can tell us with a quick reference of our height and weight if we are, or are not, overweight. But the ole sawbones can’t use the same technique to tell us that we are overweight emotionally. Let’s face it, as adults, we suppress a lot of our stress, emotions and psychological burdens, primarily because we don’t want to be a burden ourselves. We don’t want our family or friends to see that we are stressed out over our bills, a project at work or our health. We don’t want them to worry, or we maybe we just don’t want them to think that we can’t handle our own shit. Either way, we bury it down deep, put a smile on our faces and we trudge along, acquiring a little more psychological weight each day.

We can monitor our physical weight pretty easily. We can simply get on the bathroom scale, and it will promptly cite our exact weight within a few seconds of stepping on that abominable thing. It can clearly show us that eating a whole half gallon of ice cream last week has put a few extra pounds on us, but it can’t tell us why we stress-ate the whole damn container of frozen goodness in just four days in the first place. The bathroom scale can’t tell us that our stress level is redlining and that we are, or are becoming, mentally obese. So how do we know when our stress or burden is too much to carry? How do we know when we’re emotionally or mentally overweight? And more importantly, how do we shed those pounds?

I’m not that guy

I’ll admit that I’m not that guy in the gym every week. I don’t do the fad diets, run for no good reason, pick things up that don’t need to be picked up or do any of that other stuff. I’m not criticizing anyone that does, mind you. I just don’t have the time in my life to do it. I know that’s an excuse that a lot of people give, but I’ll actually elaborate on it. I don’t get enjoyment from doing it, so I’m not going to carve special time out of my life to do it. I’m simply not going to dedicate a special part of my day, so that I can do something that I don’t enjoy doing. And before you fitness folks judge me for it, let me ask you, would you do it? Would you make a point to watch an hour long PowerPoint presentation on the economic strategies of a paper mill (no offense to the paper mill accountants that are probably not reading this)? If you say you would, you’re full of crap. Even if you are an accountant for a paper mill, you’re not gonna dedicate an hour of your life that you’re never gonna get back to voluntarily do something that you don’t enjoy. I like to ride motorcycles. I can spend a full day in the saddle. I’ll make the time to ride, because it’s something that I enjoy doing. I get plenty of physical exercise without going to the gym. I’m not saying that I can dead lift 250 pounds, but in my life… I don’t need to. If you enjoy spending hours in the gym perfecting your physical being, then go for it. Do what you enjoy doing, whatever that might be. Just don’t judge other people for doing what they enjoy, because you never know what else they are dealing with in their lives.

I ride

For me, as I’ve said many times before, riding motorcycles is more than just “fun.” Riding is my stress relief. It’s church. It’s therapy. It’s my emotional workout program that helps me to be a better, more healthy person. Riding motorcycles has helped me to deal with the loss of loved ones, accept personal failures and get rid of emotional baggage that I no longer needed to carry. Riding has also brought me closer to God. I have seen proof of His existence and I’ve felt His presence with me, telling me that things are going to be okay. From the seat of my motorcycle, at 60 miles per hour on some lonely, two-lane highway that cuts through the middle of nowhere, I’ve prayed. I’ve listened to the sermon that is sung by the birds and buzzed by the cicadas. I’ve seen the majesty of His creation, shimmering through the leaves of an autumn mountain forest and witnessed the power of His might, lighting up the sky in blinding bolts of electricity on a humid summer night.

Riding is my primary weight loss program, but what is yours? How do you de-bug? What do you do to isolate those necessary stresses and justified fears, from those that you should dismiss because they are doing nothing more than weighing down your soul? 

Writing this blog is another weight loss program for me. It gives me an outlet to express my feelings and share my thoughts with the world, absent of the pressure of making a paycheck or following some irrelevant rules that were arbitrarily conceived by someone else. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you click on one of the ads on my site every now and again, I’ll earn a couple of cents and by the end of a year, I might be able to earn enough to pay for one of those cheeseburgers I like so much. But the point is, I’m not trying to pay my bills with this blog, so there’s no pressure there. 

Working for a… living?

If you take nothing else away from this post today, at least try to remember this-  at work, you’re completely replaceable and the company machine won’t stop running once you’re gone. At home, however, with your family…everything gets thrown off when you’re not there and if it doesn’t, then that’s a problem that you need to fix right now. Take your family on a relaxing vacation- a simple retreat of face to face interaction with no distractions. Take time off from work now, while it matters. You’re not promised tomorrow. Your health is not guaranteed, no matter how much kale you force yourself to eat or how many times you lift a barbell. Don't believe me? Take a walk through a graveyard and look at the headstones. Those hallowed grounds are filled with people of all ages, races and economic backgrounds and no matter how many times they hit the gym, no matter how much money they made or how many vacations they took (or didn’t take), they all have the same thing in common. We say that we “work for a living” but somewhere along the way, we often forget to actually do some living. 

Go to work. Earn a paycheck. Pay your bills and feed your family. Just don’t forget to live. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we only have around 75 good years to make, not just a life but, a good life for ourselves. Sometimes you have to work overtime, and that's okay, just don't overdo it.

Deal with it

Take proactive steps to deal with the stress in your life. Talk to a friend, go to church or have a family gathering and for pity’s sake, let yourself eat a damn cookie every now and again. Take a road trip, go hiking, boating, fishing or, better yet, spend time with your favorite people. Just don't ignore your stress or your emotional burdens. Don’t starve yourself of the things that bring you joy, for the sake of dropping a few pounds- doing that will do more harm to you than eating a cookie, a doughnut, a cheeseburger or a bowl of ice cream, ever will.  

When you shed pounds, your body may feel lighter… but when you shed burdens, your SPIRIT will feel lighter. 

Ride safe and make good... healthy... choices, y'all. 

Do you want to see your bike featured as the MotoWriter's Bike of the Month? Email me in your high-res photos and your personal motorcycle story to me and, if I pick your bike, not only will you get some pretty rad bragging rights, but you'll also receive a small bit of swag to show off your support of the MotoWriter! Thanks for all your support!

Lake of Life

Life and... a lake?

Life is weird, man. Seriously. It's like living on the edge of a lake and each event that happens is like a stone being dropped in the water.  Calm can be found, but it never seems to last very long. Most things are like small pebbles, leaving little ripples that fade quickly. Others though, feel like boulders, smashing into the surface with such force that the waves crash into the bank, causing permanent and lasting damage.

Some stones are the ones that we throw in, others seem to fall right from the sky. We control a lot of them, but some are completely out of our control. Those always seem to be the biggest of them- those life altering, long lasting, painful events. Things like, losing someone close to you. Or watching someone you love throw their life away making stupid decisions, or maybe just choosing to be miserable in order to make someone else happy. Sometimes we make poor financial decisions, or we lose ourselves in our own stubborn selfishness, and we end up missing out on great opportunities for happiness.

A Grand Design and the Rule of Threes

I'd like to think that the whole lake analogy is actually part of some grand design that I happened to stumble on and that by recognizing it, I can somehow figure out how to keep those lake waters of my own life as calm as possible. But let's be honest, recognizing the similarities just makes it harder to control. I mean, let's think about this for a second- for the past twenty years I've worked in, let's call it, a customer service field. I've seen, first-hand, the affects of the full moon on the public at-large. In my observations during these past two decades, I've seen people become more and more obnoxious during the ole waxing gibbous (as it's known by smarter people than me). It seems that during the week before a full moon, people just embrace being rude, driving more aggressively, losing control of their emotions and acting on impulse. This all may sound crazy to some, but I consider myself to be a casual observer of our society and I take notice of things like this. I'm not special, not by any means, I just happened to start noticing the patterns a long time ago, then spent the next several years taking mental notes of it. But even though I make a point to recognize the signs of the impending lunar cycle, I often find myself falling victim to its affects... until I catch myself that is. Of course, by that time, I've usually already done something stupid.

 

And what about the rule of three? You know, if something happens, it usually happens in threes- accidents, illnesses or even deaths. I've seen proof of that too, but I won't get into those details just yet. These are weird observations, I know, but bear with me for just a little longer. My point is, that even though we may recognize the patterns, we often don't (or can't) avoid what happens next.

We can't control everything

No matter how hard we try, we can't control everything. So, if our lives are like the waters of a lake, and the events that happen to us are like rocks of varying sizes being tossed in, how can we mitigate the damage from the biggest stones? How do we deal with the lasting affects of those big waves coming in, hitting us over and over? 

I don't know. We just do. When someone we love dies, that's a big stone. We will usually get those first few waves, the biggest of them, right at first. But then, after some time has passed and we think our hearts are finally healing, when we are sure that the waves of that event have all finally passed, we are hit with another wave of emotion when we are least expecting it and we have to face that pain all over again. But with each wave, the severity seems to lessen, and the hurt seems to not last as long. And this cycle continues, over and over, until we are finally okay. 

The big one is coming

So, how do we deal with it? With time, patience and preparation. Time heals all wounds, as most of us have been told. As we hurt, we heal. We begin the process of rebuilding what has been damaged and we build it stronger so that it can hold up, hopefully a little better, for the next big wave that is coming. 

It's also important to remember that we can control some things though- things like, how many of those stones we throw into our own calm waters; how we prepare for the big stones when they hit; and, understanding that, no matter what we do, those big ones are going to hit eventually. 

Preparation

Trying to prepare for life's unexpected events seems like it could be one of the most perfectly paradoxical conundrums we face. After all, how does one go about expecting the unexpected... it is by definition... not expected! But, I assure you, by taking small steps in preparation for big events, you can actually mitigate the confusion and frustration when the proverbial shit hits the fan. 

For example, several years ago, my wife and I started thinking about the "what ifs" of our own lives. So, in an effort to be more responsible parents, we made some grown-up decisions and started having those difficult conversations. During those talks, we figured out that we needed more insurance, we needed wills and we needed to establish our final wishes. I know it seems terribly dark and morbid, but having those hard talks when we did, allowed us to have the peace of mind of knowing that we won't have to deal with that stuff when the time comes. After all, it's a helluva lot easier to make those decisions together when your minds are clear and your hearts aren't hurting, than it is when you're heartbroken and can't think clearly. A little bit of preparation can go a long way... I've seen that first-hand, too. 

Prevention

We can also control how many stones we throw in our own calm waters. We need to recognize that if things are calm, we don't have to kick the top off of the anthill. We can let it be calm and actually enjoy those moments of peace and happiness. We can take the time to enjoy the calm, the peace, the laughter and the good times. Breaking out of the analogy for a minute and speaking literally- stop stirring up shit in your life. Don't talk about people behind their backs, be happy for other people when they succeed and help them when they need a hand. Don't start drama. Don't get involved in someone else's drama. Find joy in the moment and don't take the things that are most precious to you for granted. Be bold and be confident. Be bold enough to start your own business or be content working for someone else, but either way, be happy with your decision to do either. Be confident enough in yourself to make a big decision and be flexible enough that if you don't like what you chose, to choose something else.

We can't control what happens, but we can control how we deal with it, when it does. 

Find happiness now

It's also important to find happiness now. Don't wait until tomorrow, next week or next year. Find something that brings you joy and peace, and find it now. Remember also, that while it's important to be able to share that thing, whatever it may be, with those you love, it's just as (or even more) important that you are able to enjoy it when you're all alone, too. 

For me, as many of my friends and family know, I've found happiness in motorcycling. Not just riding them, but working on them, researching and learning about them and writing about them. I know that may sound superficial to some people, but it's a fun hobby for me. Sure, I enjoy other things, too... but for now, right now at this time in my life, I'm exploiting my love of motorcycles for all it's worth while I still can. I share my passion with my friends and family (even those that don't ride), but I also enjoy slipping out to the garage and turning wrenches in solitude and going on solo motorcycle camping trips in the mountains, too. 

I encourage each of you to find something that brings you happiness. Whether it's motorcycling, bicycling, fishing, hunting, hiking, or just watching the world go by. Find something that makes you happy and that you can do alone and with your loved ones and start doing it now. As my wife wisely noted recently- don't wait to eat off the fine china or drink out of the heirloom crystal, do it now while you can still enjoy it. Buy the motorcycle, that new putter or that dress you've been eyeing. Open that special bottle of bourbon or wine that you've been saving for some "special occasion" and let yourself enjoy it now, because TODAY IS THAT SPECIAL OCCASION... you woke up and you were blessed with another day of life and there are a lot of people who didn't get that same gift.  

Don't wait until the next big stone drops into your lake before you start enjoying your life. 

Do you want to see your bike featured as the MotoWriter's Bike of the Month? Email me in your high-res photos and your personal motorcycle story to me and, if I pick your bike, not only will you get some pretty rad bragging rights, but you'll also receive a small bit of swag to show off your support of the MotoWriter! Thanks for all your support!

April Bike of the Month....

Whose bike will be featured? Send your submissions and it might be YOURS!

motowriter74@gmail.com

Spring is here and the weather is perfect for riding! 

Ride safe and make good choices, everybody!

www.TheMotoWriter.com

Be a good person

Toxic people

We all have toxic people in our lives, but we don't always recognize who they are until after they've poisoned us. If you are reading this and you think it's written about you, then you may very well be the toxic person in someone else's life. Don't worry, if it is you, then keep reading and I'll try to give you some tips on how to change and be a better person.

Recognizing the toxicity

This seems like it would be fairly easy to do, but unfortunately, people aren't always toxic from the start, some become that way over time. What causes someone to become a poisonous influence? It could be any number of things- a shitty home life, a bad marriage, being unhappy at work, being unhappy about how they look or how their own level of success compares to others or maybe even just a lack of healthy hobbies. Regardless of what made, or makes, them this way- what matters most is that you recognize what they are, instead of why they are that way. You can't fix a miserable person that doesn't want to be fixed, you'll just get poisoned by their negativity.

If you're the person who has become envenomed, then it's your job to figure out why you are this way and to fix it. You need to fix your own problems and stop spreading your necrosis to others.

The easiest way to recognize a toxic person is to just listen to them for a few minutes. Are they always bitching? Are they the person that gets everything they want, but complain that it's not enough? Do they hurl insults at you when you are happy or if something positive happens to you? They are typically the person that, when you get a new motorcycle, they say something like "it must be nice to be able to afford that" or if you get a promotion at work they say "how much ass did you have to kiss for that?" Sound familiar? 

You can also recognize these venomous malefactors by the way that they interact with you and when. For example- when you don't hear from someone for months or longer and they send you a text or call you and ask you to help them do something. You, being the good person you are, agree to help them and once the task is complete, they disappear from your life once again. Those should be easy enough to recognize, but we often fail to see them as toxic, because they are so nice and appreciative when you're helping them, that you actually believe that you are friends. 

Toxic people also love to insult you behind your back- some even do it right to your face, but because you have mistaken them for friends, you just figure it's friendly banter. They will take your words, twist them to fit their vindictive narrative, then play the victim when they get caught up in their own web of drama. They live in drama and thrive in their own self absorption. 

Still not sure how to recognize them? Look for the perpetual victims in your life. Whatever misfortune may befall them, it is never their fault. Toxic people never take responsibility for their own mistakes or failures. They also never thank the ones that help them succeed at something.

Misery loves company

Toxic people thrive in animosity, doubt, loathing, anger and jealousy. They are bitter and angry and their bitterness can only be quelled by bringing other people down and making them miserable with them. They can't be satisfied until everyone around them is swimming in their pit of despair. They love to bring others down. Do you remember the character from the early 2000's Saturday Night Live skits, Debbie Downer? Yeah... that character, while she may have been played on TV by the comedic actress, Rachel Dratch, is actually a real live person that you know and is in your life, right now. Are you having a great day at the park? Don't worry, Debbie Downer will come in and tell you all about how the park was built using money that was supposed to go to building a new children's hospital. Oh what's that, did you get a new car? Oh, here comes D.D. to tell you how her car broke down and she can't afford to repair it (even though she just spent that same amount of money on a new necklace for her dog). What's that, you say you are getting married? Well now, D.D. is on her way to tell you all about all of her failed relationships. 

Of course, the real life Debbie Downer isn't always a woman. No, no... sometimes Debbie Downer is actually Donald Downer. That's right, anyone can be a Downer for the low, low price of your happiness. And they will take your happiness. They will call you a "company man" if you get promoted, or say that you are "drinking the kool-aid" if you find any happiness at work. They will try to humiliate you if you are feeling good about yourself and will insult you and call it "teasing." They want what you have- your happiness, and they will stop at nothing to take it from you.

Be the antivenom

This is tricky, I won't lie. It's tricky because more than likely, you've read this post this far and said to yourself- "shit, that's me... I've done some of that stuff." If so, congratulations- you're well on your way to becoming the antivenom that you and others in your life need you to be.

Look, the bottom line is, we're all a little toxic. We have good days and we have shit days. Currently, as I write this, I'm going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I'm hurting and I don't like to hurt. But you know something? No matter how shitty I feel, I'm not going to do something or say something to bring someone else down or make them feel bad, not intentionally anyway.

So, what do you do if you are that toxic person in someone else's life? Here's some pro tips for you (don't worry, they are simple): 

• Don't be a dick.
• Think about other people and how they feel.
• Remember that the person you are being a shithead to, may be going through one of the worst times in their life, but you don't know about it because you have only been thinking about yourself.
• Stop thinking about yourself ALL OF THE TIME. 
• Be a better person.
• Do good things for other people without the expectation of getting something in return.
• Be a good person.
• Be honest.
• Be fair.
• Be selfless.
• Be helpful.
• Give truthful, genuine compliments.
• Be happy for other people when they have a good day.
• Be sympathetic.
• Be kind.
• Be supportive.
• Be nice.

It's okay to be upset if you don't win, get passed up for promotion, lose that sale or get overlooked for a job well done. It's okay to be annoyed that someone else got something that you wanted or you felt like you deserved. But, it's not okay to shit on their happiness. It's never okay to sabotage someone else's joy, peace or happiness, so don't do it. Ever. Be a better person, or be prepared to be a lonely, miserable person for a very long time.

Cut 'em loose

So what do you do if you have a toxic person in your life? Don't give them your time. As soon as you recognize it- call them out and remind them that they are being a dick. Tell them the truth and how they are making you feel. If they are truly your friend, they will understand and try to be better. If they don't- cut them loose and don't look back. There are good people out there that truly only want the best for you- those are your friends. You'll recognize them by the fact that you've been friends with them for years and they've never asked you for a single thing. They have asked you for nothing except your friendship. 

I would rather be alone than be with people that are constantly trying to bring me down or shit on my happiness. There have been times in my life that I have been able to count my friends on one hand and I'm okay with that. You should be too, because some of those people, who you consider to be your friends, are the same ones whose fingerprints are on the knife that's in your back. You don't need them in your life- so let them go be miserable in someone else's life.

Listen folks, being a good person isn't difficult. Too many people have forgotten how to live by the Golden Rule- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Maybe they got confused by the verbiage, so here it is, in plain terms: treat people like you want to be treated and don't be a dick.

Find joy and be happy

I'm not suggesting that we pretend our problems don't exist, far from it. I'm suggesting that we recognize our own deficiencies and we work on bettering ourselves and being better people to share the earth with. When you share in other people's happiness, you become happy; when you indulge someone in their misery, or worse- you spread your misery to someone else, everyone suffers. Do you want to be happy? Then be happy. Just don't shit on someone else's happiness, or one day, someone you think is your friend, might just shit on yours. 

As for me, I genuinely wish each of you happiness and joy, laughter and love, peace and comfort. May you all find true happiness that doesn't come at the cost of someone else's and of course... 

... ride safe and make good choices.

Written on 01/08/2021... before my world got a little darker.
Courage, Serenity & Wisdom forever. I love you dad.